So Mummy has been back at work for just over a month now, the reality of that and having a toddler to deal with at home just hit me on my day off. When you used to go back to work after having a day off, people always ask ‘ooo did you have a nice day off?’ Like you actually enjoyed a nice lazy day or lunch out. Not the reality when you dealt with an unpredictable, drunken-like toddler for 8 hours instead!
It starts with no lie in what so ever!! 530 is your get up time no matter what time the baby went to bed.
Then you attempt a coffee, whilst holding said baby on your hip, praying they don’t hit it out of your hand the moment you’re about to enjoy a mouthful.
Change their nappy from the night before and BOOM, said baby does a huge poop in the nice, new clean one!
Attempt to ring/text friend that you meant to reply too for the past few days but baby wants they’re favourite book read to them for the fourth time already (this will be a repeat occurrence throughout the day!). Then they want to sit/climb or just physically abuse you as they know you’re on the phone so replying goes out the window as you totally forgot what you were doing.
Then it’s time to get ready to go somewhere. That’s a military mission in itself. You try to spend fifteen minutes getting you’re hair and makeup to look vaguely presentable, whilst also distracting said child from your favourite makeup with the shite rubbish to play with and forever moving your straighteners as said baby walks around you like Godzilla, determined to annihilate everything that is yours! Then you have to get Godzilla dressed! Why do babies go from being the cutest thing in the plant to devil child when they are due to get dressed?! If they’re not rolling everywhere, it’s running away or screaming the house down!
Finally ready, yet you take another half an hour making sure you’ve got everything ready to actually leave the house! By this point you’re wondering why you’re even bothering going out!
Then you arrive at your destination, be it toddler play group, the local play centre or lunch with a friend. Either way, you’ll spend the next hour praying your toddler/baby doesn’t bite, hit or headbutt another child. Then hope they actually eat their lunch and not humiliate you by throwing it everywhere instead.
Finally back home and it’s naptime! Mummy has an hour or two to have cuddles and marvel at the gorgeous little baby she created, which has now become your world again, forgotten the drama of the morning, just! (Whilst also regretting the text she sent Daddy, describing baby as the worse devil child ever and including several swear words!)
Baby wakes up! The lovely, tidy living room is long gone! The books are read another five times! Teas meant to be cooked, you’re already thinking it’s going to be a takeaway….
Thank god! Daddies home!!!! Tag team united! Half an hour to get a brew and breathe.
7pm bath and bed! However this becomes a stand off whilst baby refuses to sleep and Daddy questions how much you let them nap during the day, Mummy gives the look, to which Daddy realises it’s time to shut the fook up!
9pm, exhausted, you debate between a glass of wine or bed…. Usually results in a big glass then too tired for another and getting sent to bed by Daddy.
5am the next day- As babies always know you want to wake up earlier when you have work, it starts again!
9am- ‘How was your day off?’ Mummy replies ‘ooo the same old really.’ As no Mummy actually replies with ‘Lovely thanks’. They are just glad to be out of the mad house for a day.