No kids life vs parenting reality…..

Why is it that before kids, certain comments seemed so irrelevant? Yet once kids come along the same throwaway comments that we never thought twice about now make our blood boil…..
1. ‘I don’t know why I’m tired…. May I’ve had TOO much sleep!’ – Oooo my heart bleeds, here have a baby for a few hours and I’ll have a nap!
2. ‘When I have a baby I won’t give them a dummy/let them watch TV/ eat chocolate to calm them down.’ – Good luck with that one!
3. ‘Oooo a whole year off work for maternity leave, lucky you!’ – Do you want me to punch you right now?! I can’t remember the last time I had 5 minutes to myself.
4. ‘Omg this week has finished me off, thank god it’s the weekend!’ – This has never been said by ANY parent since signing a 24/7 parent contract.
5. ‘Fancy a night out/day out?’ – Yeh! Just give me two months notice and not one day!
6. ‘Ooo the clocks go back tonight, extra hour in bed!’ – That means the baby is up even earlier, sods law and CBeebies starts even later!
7. ‘Soft Play looks fun, lets go!’ Said no mum, ever! It costs a fortune and you spend two hours chasing after a hyped up toddler!
8. ‘We’re off to Spain/France for two weeks of relaxing this year’ – Im off to Butlins/ a Caravan in Wales.
9. ‘I didn’t wake up until 10 last Sunday’ – I’ve been awake for 4 hours by then, changed two nappies, washed pots and watched several cartoons on repeat!
10. ‘You want me to work late?/ Cover a shift for someone’ – Yeh sure! Let me just rearrange my entire childcare plan in one second and give you an answer straight away!
11. ‘You want to meet up in an hour?’ Yeh let me just explain that to a toddler who’s finally having a nap, grab the changing bag with everything in it, then make myselflook slightly presentable… That only takes a few minutes, right? 🤦🏽‍♂️
12. ‘Shall we do lunch?’ – Shall I just Throw leftover food at you whilst trying to entertain devil child for an hour…. Good times!
13. ‘Why do parents post so many pictures of their kids on Facebook?’ I didn’t get this one before but now? Say that again and I won’t be responsible for my actions.
14. ‘Oooo stay for one more….’ Ok, as long as you’re going to get up at 5am with the baby for me?!
15. ‘What have you done all day?’ NEVER say this to a parent, EVER!

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